It’s on top of the beautiful and majestically rugged mountain peaks of north Idaho, on the shores of a foreign and familiar tropical beach, riding horseback in wheat fields of the little valley I grew up in, in the simplistic lifestyle of a poor Russian village…. Isn’t it nice to know that the feeling of home doesn’t have to be a static place, It’s nowhere and everywhere. I’ve left little pieces of my heart In many places which sprouted and grew into my querencia.
Who told you that you have to be pretty, and why? Who sets the standard of beauty, and based on what principals?
I could say many things, but to keep it short, two quotes come to mind:
“You don’t need to be born pretty to be wildly attractive”
“You Don’t Have to Be Pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female” – Dianna Vreeland
There is a restaurant called Osteria Francescana in Modena Italy, owned by a man named Massimo Bottura, which quickly inspired it’s way onto my bucket list. Everyone needs to dine at a world class restaurant at least once in their life, and doing it in Italy would certainly be an adventure worth working for. Aside from my general fascination with Italy, what i found particularly interesting about this restaurant was the way Massimo uses food as an art statement. Modena is a traditional place, and from what i gather about most Italians, they are very set in their traditions. This is in many ways a beautiful thing because it allows them to preserve their heritage with stories that date back centuries. It must be amazing to have such roots, so deeply grounded. Massimo however has challenged them to see things differently by breaking tradition with the old recipes of Modena and making them respectively bold and new, yet familiar.
Parmesan is not just Parmesan, it’s flavor is dynamic. Depending on the years aged, each one takes on a unique taste. As this dish demonstrates, five ages- each toting their own signature flavor and texture.
As with most traditional environments his bold unconventionality was initially met with huge resistance. You just don’t mess with grandmothers recipes, why change a good thing that works for you? It’s a big deal apparently. For me, i think it’s inspiring to see how he uses something as simple as food to challenge people to see things from different angles and perspectives, to think outside of the well known. Tradition and custom is an important part of life, however sometimes we run the risk of becoming too narrow minded when we silence or exclude any voices that do not follow in line with our own. We only limit ourselves from reaching a greater potential for growth and understanding.
As Aristotle said –
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. “
Call Of The Wild – Robert William Service
Something about this poem, The Old Astronomer to His Pupil resonates with me. One of the few fond memories i have of my father was laying under the stars searching for constellations. Orion, the big dipper, Leo, Aquarius, like ancient glowing monuments cast into the dark. He told me about the north star, and how it guided sailors on their journey. Perhaps that’s where my love of the night sky comes from. I learned from an early age that there’s nothing to fear, even in darkness there is beauty and purpose. Even though my soul waits in darkness, i know the dawn will come again.
They say not all who wander are lost… I disagree. Maybe we are all a little lost, maybe we don’t always know where we are going or exactly why. Is it bad to be in your mid 20’s and not have it all figured out, I wonder.
Some of us might have thought we knew, only to wake up with life propeling us in a new direction, dismissing our determined expectations with painful force. The loss of a loved one, sickness, divorce, or new life…. These all can change our direction in ways we never anticipated.
Some of us haven’t concluded our expectations yet, as we wander on our journey with silent or unanswered questions in our heart. They haven’t found any one place where they fit, where their peices all match up. Life is big, and so are their desires.
They say, also, that those who think they know it all never do. I once thought that I would have answers by 23.. no, 24.. 25? no…. the older I get the more I understand how little of this world I understand. Being lost is sometimes a great place to be. It forces you go back and see what’s really in your heart underneat it all, it also forces you into new and unexpected adventures that often change you in ways that you otherwise wouldn’t have. Always having more question than answers is good, it means you will never settle for the simple easy.
Maybe some of us are lost and don’t want to be found. Maybe I’m somewhere in-between……..
Sometimes i feel inspired, and sometimes a would rather stay in bed all day curled up under soft blankets and too many cheap thrifted pillows, Netflix and coffee in hand. Sometimes i want to do it all, and i think this life is too short to not do all the things in the world. All the things. Like caring about proper punctuation and grammar, but to be true, not caring is luxurious. Sometimes i feel like this life is too long to endure, a kind of impatient longing for the next. Sometimes i dream of long road trips with exotic destinations, or waking up in another country, nostalgia and expectant wonder all in one. Sometimes i feel it all, and sometimes that is a beautiful thing.
It’s nearly midnight, running down the street arms open in the warm spring rain. Wine glass in hand and wet pavement under bare feet as laughter rolls off our tongues easier than words. At 25 years old splashing in puddles still hasn’t gotten old. Neither has the peaceful exhilaration of standing in the pouring rain looking up into a dark sky as flashes light us up like fireworks, far but too close. We said, we want to remember this. All of it. The smell of the wet grass and earth, and the taste of Chardonnay mixed with spring rain. This is what it feels like to be alive, young, and free.
The last two years of my life have been years of change, much like the two before it, and the two before that. So it’s no surprise that my blogsite would change with them. I’ve been absent this last year while life has been busy writing all over me instead. I’ve taken time … Time to absorb, time for things to settle in my heart. Some changes are smooth, but much like everything else in my life, they can also grow out of painful experiences. I am not sure how to roll over the old with the new, how to fit all the pieces together, so this time i start over. Some things are meant to stay for a time, for a period, and then you grown away from them and into new things. Clean slate, blank page, new city, new friends. Same me, same girl at heart. Only with a few more scars and experiences with both wonderful and heartbreaking stories to explain them. Some changes are voluntary, and sometimes we are hurled into them without a choice. Either way, i think, often times i’ve been able to look back and say it was all for the best, even necessary. I’m learning to let go of things that aren’t necessary or beneficial to me, and live more simplistic. I’ve learned to take risks and to silence the ever present anxiety.. I’ve also learned caution. Through it all I’d like to say i’m wiser because, but i’ll let you be the judge. I’m still figuring it out.